The French Quarter Bistro

The Hoggers have always advocated against healthy diets. If you’re feeling tired, cranky or bloated it’s perhaps the time to change your lifestyle. And that means you can trade soy chunks for red meat and green tea for chocolate milkshakes. Well the French don’t think like The Hoggers. Beacuse they are a bunch of anorexic geeks who get their nose jobs done in American clinics. That’s maybe the reason why their food is too fragile, too thin and too anorexic. In your pursuit of fitness, you’ve probably generated a list full of healthy, hearty foods but you’re itching for something yummy. Then this one’s definitely not for you!

The Entrance, Chicken Liver & Oven Roasted Baby Aubergines

The humdrum of unemployment were ringing too strident in the minds of The Hoggers. That’s when the sad news broke out that Sam had finally got the chance to earn some green. The disappointment among the lot also meant this was the chance to despoil the squirrel. Carrying hardened hearts they decided to go extravagant with their choice and ended up at French Quarter Bistro in Indiranagar. The calm and inexpressive locale had nothing laudable about it. The menu and specials were, least to say, disconsolate words put up together to make no sagacity to their minds.

Spiral Spinach with Mushroom & Cheese, Steak Au Poivre, Tenderloin Steak with Red Wine

Fin seemed too exacerbated by the summer heat. He directly went for a simple Mango Blast. Sam & Pat followed it up with a Fresh Lime Soda. Bryan & Bob had an extravagant glee in their grins. So, couple of Brandy & Beers later they picked up Chicken Liver as starters. A peeved Sam gulped down his expensive soda with disgust. Pat ordered Oven Roasted Baby Aubergines for the herbies & Fin agreed as though he’d understood everything what it would turn out to be. Sam felt the need for a soup and went for a Soupe Au Pisto. Bryan & Bob made their choice easier for the main course (they were unable to grasp anything written on the menu). They blindly ordered for the most expensive item on the menu which turned out to be Tenderloin Steak with Red Sauce and Steak Au Poivre. Sam settled for an FQ Chicken with Peppercorn & Cream. Pat was rattled to find out that Paneer was yet to be invented in France. After much persuasion from Fin they gibed on Spiral Spinach with Mushroom & Cheese.

Chef's Special Chicken & FQ Chicken with Peppercorn & Cream

The sight of food was itself a disappointment as it was too paltry for their appetites. The scanty dressing and the quintessence of bread with each item exasperated them to unprecedented levels. The Chicken Liver was soft yet bland. The olives were the only ones giving it flavour and it was minced to the scummy levels. The Mango Blast & Lime Soda proved to be some really expensive blunders. The Oven Roasted Baby Aubergines managed to be slightly on the delectable side. But then, how wrong can you go with a bunch of brinjals? The Soupe Au Pisto too lived a toothsome life down Sam’s throat.

Coming to the main course, the Spiral Spinach was pretty bland as well. The stifle combination failed to impress the herbies. Sam seemed pleased with his FQ Chicken as it had a touch of spices & the flavouring really engrossed the meat. Perhaps Bob was the only one with a clear winner. The Steak Au Poivre was tender, juicy & cooked medium rare to perfection. But the beef of Bryan’s Tenderloin Steak seemed to have come from cattle on which the French conducted some serious bestiality for a new porn film. It was a dead rubber with no juices intact and the red wine sauce was too sour for his liking. The food did not result in a predilection of sorts for the entire group. Sam & Bryan were adamant to have another picking to compile a proper review. They went for the Chef’s Special Chicken. Once it was tasted, the Brandy & Beer took its toll on Bryan who barged into the kitchen with a fork to kill the Chef!

The food wasn’t profligate but the cheque remained to be. Alas, that’s all Bryan & Bob had wished for. The swarming hands of miser Sam reached for their necks. The Pseudo Sophisticated couldn’t make it even this time. It seems he’s been tuning his musical skills. Last heard he’s got into Elton John, not literally of course!

Venue - #298, 100 Feet road, Indiranagar

Recommended – Steak Au Poivre

Music – Santana crooning at his worst

Variety - **

Quality - ***

Value for money - **

Ambience - **

Service - ***

Woodstok

There’s something exquisite about continental cooking. Apparently it’s the only way a man could ever get away with his culinary skills. That is because men do not multi task, apart from screwing up several things at the same time! On a hot Sunday noon, while brushing away the cobwebs of an alcohol induced sleep, Bryan hit upon the obviousness of a nice cosy lunch. Bob too agreed as they were in no mood to confirm their depravity towards cooking. And it had to be continental in order to help cure the hangover.

The result was a nice clamped little restaurant in Indiranagar. Woodstok, is by no means your ordinary dining option. It’s got a class of its own. Cramped to a corner, off the main road, it’s a cosy yet beautiful little fad built with stones and wood. It’s a nice way to spend your boring Sunday perched atop a balcony that’ll please, even the most pernickety of thin lipped feminists. The food was just as pleasing as the thought. Sipping into his Chocolate Blizzard, Fin was enthused by Bryan’s choice of dining. The continental flare is evident in the menu. Bryan & Bob wasted no time in plumping for The London Hose Grill. Fin scanned the menu with his cardinal rules and after Bryan administered the most almighty kick to his plums, he sought refuge with a Cottage Cheese Sizzler.

Cottage Cheese Sizzler and London House Grill

The London House Grill was an unambiguous picking of the best meats they could get. And it turned out to be a preeminent bout of vanity on a plate. The ham, beef & chicken cooked to the right textures cleared the doom-laden Sunday boredom. The meats were tender, juicy & appetizing enough. The Cottage Cheese Sizzler was a huge pile resting on some hot rice that was quickly mucked up by Fin. The oozing flow from the fat bed of veggies, baked into a succulent meal, did wonders for Fin that afternoon. The dessert was Blueberry Cheese Cake and it proved why the place was so popular for its pastries. Even the ice cream is made in-house and the kind of seriousness with which they go about flavouring it, is just intense.

But more than the food it’s the place that overwhelms you. The fine setting, the cosy ambience, the works are so facet that you just marvel at it. So it is definitely the place to go when you and the lads want to have a nice outing after an evening of drinking and share some good ribaldry.

Pat could not make it as he’s been heeding the cries of commitment yet again so he went thong shopping for the imaginary muse! Yeah, right! Sam decided that he was too short, too fat and too broke to fit into the itinerary for the day. The Pseudo Sophisticated is back from heaven and put all his winning money on black and it came up red. He then married a sex kitten just that she turned into a cat. After which he moved into the gold just as all the clever money moved out. Cut to the chase, he’s totally screwed up!

Venue - #3777, Domlur Service Road, HAL 2nd Stage, Indiranagar

Recommended – London House Grill & all Desserts

Music – Peaceful & Quiet

Variety - ***

Quality - ****

Value for money - ****

Ambience - ****

Service - ****