Nagarjuna

The noontides in The Hoggers’ surge to find the best biryani in Bangalore got a head start through a suggestion made by a dedicated foodie. The momentous culmination to those distant afternoons and nights filled with frustration ended at Nagarjuna Restaurant. The place had an air of creative ambivalence and was done up well to the point of perfection. That the food would be limited to biryani was an obvious certainty. Yet, they divulged the menu to get a feel of the place.

The food on offer was limited. They served Andhra cuisine at its best. Fin being the veggie that he is took a hell lot of a time to zero down to a choice. Pat was too miffed to find that the place did not have his favourite dish. The revelation surged into his fractured recollects and filled in the lacunae with a snowy aftertaste. Bryan, Bob & Sam already had their choices well in hand. The herbies finally decided to go with Curd Rice & pickle as an assortment. The undependable Chicken Biryani was the immediate cry from the meat lovers. The food arrived almost immediately. With the first morsel itself, Bob’s eyes gleamed. That brought about a shine on Bryan’s face. Sam was undeterred about the whole happening as he ruthlessly ripped apart the chicken. Fin & Pat seemed mighty happy with their serving too. Finally the wait was over.

The biryani was cooked to perfection. The rice did not smother them like the previous ones. The flavouring & spices created the aroma that went missing in most biryanis in Bangalore. Chicken pieces we tender and the masala really had a wrap around them. The raita served was bland though. The Curd Rice which had all the chances of going wrong actually livened the proceeding. The pickle assortment kept things spicy. After the meal they all concurred on the fact that this was indeed the best biryani in Bangalore. Period!

Since it was a dedicated quest for the best biryani they could not indulge in the other hot pickings on the menu. They left the place with a promise to return. After all it had been a desirable sojourn!

The Pseudo Sophisticated was killed by the rest of the crew for his mis-endeavours. Last heard he was playing strip poker with St.Peter for an entry into heaven. It seems that he has challenged God for a game too, with the stakes being a chance to return to earth!

Venue- 44/1, Residency Road

Recommended – THE BIRYANI (Chicken or Mutton)

Music – Kenny G (it seems he was pressing for the Telangana issue)

Variety - ***

Quality - ****

Value for money - ***

Ambience - ***

Service - ****

TGI Friday's

The Hoggers had congregated at the HQ to discuss the pressing issue of getting money for food. After half an hour of deliberations they decided to sell the entire old bottle collection. Rummaging through the crap, they found an odd looking bottle and to their amazement it felt full. They attacked it with extreme prejudice, the bottle opened with a whiff of smoke which knocked both of them down.

“Buurrrpppp!!!” came a noise from all the smoke & they were staring at a - wait for it - Genie and he seemed to be drunk! Having grown up on porn & not Disney cartoons they were pretty puzzled at the rearing. Fin inquired “Ok, who the fuck are you supposed to be?”

“Well, you dumb fucks, I thought the theatrics would have given you a hint, I am what you call a fucking genie, you get three wishes and I get to call you master yada, yada, yada you get the picture” replied the genie. Bob took control of the situation, “So let me get this right, you owe us three wishes and we can wish for anything we want?”

“I thought I was clear about that when I gave my fucking intro” Fin wasn’t too sure about the drunken ghost performing a Houdini for them. Well when was he ever sure of something in the first place?

“Ok, first things with first” Bob looked around for consensus, the famous Hogger telepathy worked its magic, “we would like to eat something substantial, so we wish to eat at TGIF” Bryan grinned at Bob’s laudable suggestion. After all they had some company for the drinks!

Poof!!

The Hoggers were seated at a table, with the menus already served. Picking the best out of the menu seemed to be a tedious task. It was by far the best menu they’d seen in a long while. Sam did not join as he felt that he was better looking than the genie although their sizes remained the same. The appetizers were Tuscan Vegetable Melt & Parmesan Crusted Chicken Quesadillas. Meanwhile the genie helped himself at the bar counter. The invisibility factor worked in his favour. Bryan & Bob ordered some drinks to go along with the food. They were adamant on their choice for main course, Strip Steak with Jack Daniel Sauce! Fin had to be reassured that he was indeed fickle minded & Pat’s absence due to non availability of paneer wasn’t helping him either. Hence he jumped from Garden Burger to Pasta Arrabiatta to Stri Fried Tofu Noodles. And just when the rest thought he made a choice he changed his order to Cottage Cheese Tchoupatoulis (whatever that meant).

The food was too delicious to be true. The Crusted Chicken had the perfect crispy flavour. The tortillas in it blended well with the sautéed chicken & tomato-basil mix. Also the dash of bacon added to the surprise element. Tuscan Vegetable literally melted in their mouths. Fin & Bob loved the layers of mozzarella cheese and the soup served with it. The roasted onion & tomato spreading on the grilled butter bread was done to perfection. Bryan revelled at the luscious picking. The Strip Steak was well done to please the demanding carnivores that Bob & Bryan are. The scrumptious oozing of Jack Daniel sauce on their steaks brought a twinkle in their eye! The old fashioned cast iron serving was juicy & tender. It was not over done like the ones at most steakhouses they’d visited earlier. The seasoning was well advocated & the succulent smoky smell of the grill lasted the entire night!

The food was so heavy; they just lied back and relaxed. The bill came and everybody looked at the genie. But the drunken ass looked unabashed. “You said you wanted to eat at TGIF, you didn’t mention FREE”

“What the fuck? I thought it was implicit” countered Bryan

“Well, it doesn’t work that way, you wankers!”

The Hoggers gingerly looked at the bill. The damage was substantial, a whopping 7k! So they decided to use the second wish.

Poof!

They were back in their room and the genie said “I think my work here is done, I’m outta here fucking scumbags!!!”

“Wait a second; we still got a wish left” argued Bob

“Nope, one of your partners used it to get some handmade tissues from Belgium. So long suckers!!!” Poof! The Genie was gone.

It did not take long to realise who that partner was. The Pseudo Sophisticated was conspicuous by his absence. “Boy! That was one foul-mouthed genie” declared Bob. Fin, Bryan & Bob picked up their forks to kill the Pseudo... (To be continued)

Venue – 1, Carlton Tower, Airport Road, Domlur

Recommended – Everything

Music – Constant clutter of forks & knives

Variety - ****

Quality - ****

Value for money - **** (free food never hurts)

Ambience - ***

Service - ***

Oye Amritsar

The city sends a cold January wind sweeping the aromas of spices. You dwell to be the traveller who’s not keen on arriving. But, the paradox of a rumbling tummy is too much to be left unattended. A destination is immediately chalked down. They kept up with the malignantly blinding lights of vehicles opposite, survived the silence of drenched lamp posts, ignored the melancholy of cinema hoardings, frisked away from the apologetic remains of an alley cat and finally arrived. The destination, Oye Amritsar!

The place did share the joyous glee in their eyes. It was a bright, colourful and the open air setting tried hard to impress them. It was done up to replicate an authentic Punjabi dhaba and everything from the menu card to the rest rooms screamed in revelry. But this is no ordinary dhaba at least the menu card implied the raucous cacophony. Fin & Pat were too busy scanning through the colourful assortment of non-living things that they were going to eat. This bored Bryan who immediately ordered for beer so as to liven things up. Bob & Sam broke into an argument over the quantity of starters and finally agreed on having 2 full plates of Lawrence Road De Tawa Tikke. Bryan nonchalantly went for another bottle of beer. Fin read the possibility of Pat breaking in to an eminent monologue and ordered Hara Masala Ke Bhuna Paneer (of course, how could they avoid the cow) for the herbies. Pat was smothered by Bryan’s beer drinking spree and ordered Lassi for the rest of the group. Bob in the meantime chartered to pick up a new habit as a New Year resolution. And after despicable discussions he decided to start smoking! Moving on, the main course was Butter Naans, Bhuna Dahiwala Kukkad & Murg Lahori for the carnivores. Pat & Fin had Lahori Dingari Kofta for gravy.

The food in general did not live up to the hype surrounding it. The Tawa Tikke was hard on the spices and cooked by someone who had no sense of taste. The Dingari Kofta was too soft and lacked the texture. It was tangy & sweet at the same time. Murg Lahori seemed like some sort of tomato soup with pieces of chicken mixed up. The paneer also turned out to be bland just like the flat beer Bryan had. The Naans & Kukkad did save the day as Sam happily helped himself with 13 servings. The disappointing fact was that the quantity of dishes was too meagre and did not substantiate the price. Memories of the expensive outing did fade away with the dying echoes of the last chime of the midnight hour. Oye Amritsar wasn’t that “oye” after all!

The Pseudo Sophisticated could not join them for the eventful outing. It seems he had a conversation with God and was miffed after realizing that God did not recognise him!

Venue – 54, 5th A Cross, Koramangala

Recommended – Bhuna Dahiwala Kukkad

Music – Bollywood songs

Variety - **

Quality - **

Value for money - *

Ambience - ***

Service - ***