A quaint call from the Hoggers, set my heart racing, the caller sounded like Stephen Hawking on a bad day. He was clearly not into niceties; he just came to the point and asked me for a suggestion. Being an eggitarian the best I could come up was The Egg Factory. I asserted the need for lunch & chalked out the time at 1300 hours.
I reached there with minutes to spare. I walked in - the sight that greeted was not exactly what I expected to see. There, around the table sat five masked people and in black jumpsuits with name tags. I was ushered into an empty seat at the end of the table. One of them shoved a menu card and asked me to order lavishly for an extensive food review. Reckon they were inebriated to a point of disputable return. I wondered how wickedly a human mind could function. Alas, they did not seem human. They communicated to each other in Morse code which I could barely understand. I even found it difficult to pick their nascence. Ignoring the megalomaniac setting of an old tavern, I went about with my job. I picked up the dishes based on the inputs from the server. Initially I wasn’t able to perpetuate to the various demands of The Hoggers’ appetite but my prostate efforts to impress them did work out in my favour.
Anda Paapdi Chaat, Egg Chilly, Hungarian Omelette, Mushroom Spinach & Feta Omelette and South-western Frittata were the starters chosen by me. Just when I decided to move on, Fin cried out for a Pink Lady. He seemed to be pretty obscure with the choice. I realised it was a strawberry based drink but guess he took it the wrong way. Bryan & Bob were still nursing their fractured hopes of getting a drink. Sadly the place did not serve alcohol. However, they went for a Lime Soda. Sam kept laughing at their debauchery and kept nagging all the while. Pat seemed to be oblivious to the happenings. It wrongly appeared to me as though he'd been dreaming a fornicatress! Nevertheless, good sense prevailed and I was proved wrong.
Deciding to move on, I went about all guns blazing for the main course. It was Corn & Pepper Biryani, Desi Penne & Eggs Pasta, Eggs & Mushroom Ragout Penne, Eggs Florentine, Mighty Mushroom Pasta, Tangy Tomato Pasta and finally Penne Alfredo with Cilantro Pesto & Eggs. After excusing me from further tensions, we dug into the starters. From the line up the Egg Chilly stood out for its perfect execution. The boiled eggs in capsicum and red chilli sauce were indeed mouth watering. The desi Anda Paapdi Chaat was crispy and well served.
The Hungarian Omelette wasn’t that good though. It lacked any peculiar taste and the serving was too feeble. Mushroom Spinach & Feta Omelette was a mediocre offering. The South-western Frittata had good texture and the tartar sauce spread really gave it a good flavour.
We all desperately waited for the main course to arrive. The wait that ensued was quite perturbing. But it was worth every minute of our time. The only let down was the Corn & Pepper Biryani which turned out to be too salty with a bland raita. The Desi Penne & Eggs Pasta was cooked well and had a good tomato texture to it. The creamy layering on Eggs & Mushroom Ragout Penne did wonders to its taste. Egg Florentine was a beautiful and delicious serving.
The cheque was immediately devoured by the crew and they did keep their promise (I did not have to pay). The time came to part ways & I couldn’t help but enquire about the demise of The Pseudo Sophisticated. Bryan pulled out a post card sent by The Pseudo from the gates of heaven. It read: “Mr. Saran, at the outset please consider my deepest apologies for being unable to host you for lunch. I would like to inform you that I’m currently near to heaven and the inclement weather kept me stranded at the airport. You’d be happy to note that I won the strip poker game against God and am now allowed to return to earth. What kept me interested in the game was the fact that God was indeed a woman! Yours Truly, The Pseudo Sophisticated.”
Venue - Ground Floor, White House, St Marks Road
Recommended – Mighty Mushroom Pasta, Desi Penne Pasta, Egg Chilly & Strawberry Cheesecake
Music – Morse code (The Hoggers communicate in it & I was all ears)
Variety - ***
Quality - ****
Value for money - ***
Ambience - ***
Service - ****
